That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
