we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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