If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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