is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
