there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize