my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
