so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
