please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
