grandma shit on top of the toilet
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
