we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
