i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
