The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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