we're chasing vodka with high fives
someone owes me an orgasm
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
