Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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