Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
