well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
