He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
