Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i love accidental penises.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come on in and take your pants off
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