Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
