we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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