Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
