Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
