using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it was like eating out sand paper
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
