Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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