I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
