I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
