Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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