Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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