birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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