I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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