Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
