Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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