dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
