Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
