therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
