I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize