my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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