Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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