So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
