PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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