It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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