my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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