Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize