it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
