Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
