I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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