I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
