Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
