Say something about gay babies.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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