if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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