Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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