i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
