OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize