your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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