I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
