Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
