oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
