i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
