You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Say something about gay babies.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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