so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
