Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
