dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
