so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
