apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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