My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
