I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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