i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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