I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
