what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
