Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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