my mouth tastes like poor choices
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
