We won't sleep together?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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