You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize