My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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