WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
