Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
