I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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