heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
