I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
