I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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