I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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