so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
