1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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