I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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