I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
