So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
