I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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