if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
