oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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