I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize