so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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