I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
