so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
