Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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