I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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