You made me cry and you don't even care
Yo dont text me then not text me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
