I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
