He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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