i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
