Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
